Beginning, Again

I’ve always been an on-and-off journal-er. Starting from my angsty tween-time handwritten diaries where every sentence would be peppered with a particular four-letter word, to my emo teen-time blog which housed a collection of (terribly-written) poems about dying and bleeding, to more mature spiritual journals after I believed in Jesus Christ and His work which included reflections on Bible Studies, to Facebook notes. I’ve decided to start writing here, because I’m honestly not energetic enough to hand-write, because typing allows me to reflect / correct / organise my thoughts, because unlike Facebook, I won’t be doing it for attention and likes. Honestly, the only reason I’ve put this off for so long is that … creating a blog involves coming up with some sort of design, which I’m hopeless at, and simply choosing a theme thus far has given me a colossal headache /: This does not bode well.

Since this is the first post, an explanation of its name ‘Not Mine to Repine’ seems mandatory. It actually took me ages to come up with, but basically, it’s inspired by my favourite hymn, Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken, which is here on youtube (: The last two verses of the hymn are my favourite, and in particular the 2nd last –

Soul, then know thy full salvation,
Rise o’er sin and fear and care;
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine?

Truly. My Father has created and loved and provided for me; my Jesus has bled and died for one as unworthy as me; and they have given me the Holy Spirit, that I may grow in holiness and knowledge of them. What more may I ask or desire? Only what David said in Ps 27:4 – ‘One thing I have asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple.’

I do not know what my future holds. But I pray that this blog/journal, with its name as a potent reminder, will be an encouragement for me to cling to the cross and say with conviction when troubles and sorrow come –

At the cross, God planned and He accomplished the greatest evil that anyone could ever commit; at the cross, He planned and accomplished the greatest suffering anyone could ever endure, so that through the cross, you and I might know and experience the greatest good we could ever imagine.

And if, at the cross, He orchestrated the greatest sin and the greatest suffering for His greatest worship and my greatest good, then surely, this evil too, then surely, this suffering too, is for His glory and for my good.’

– Halim Suh


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